No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
