There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Randomize
