Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
