Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
