My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
