Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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