That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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