i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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