You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
