i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
