he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
