Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
