his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
