I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
hell yes lets make some ravioli
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
