The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Randomize
