Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
