I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Is her dick bigger than yours?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
