i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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