I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
