fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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