Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
