I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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