And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
