Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
