guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
