I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
