You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
