you turned your livingroom into a bong?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
