Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
