please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
