Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
