i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
