shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
