I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
My pussy is not your playground.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
My vagina just recognized that song.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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