It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
