Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Randomize
