Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
