the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Randomize
