He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
