I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
