I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
