I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
