There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
