Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
