i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
