He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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