where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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