Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
