He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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