Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
