i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
