I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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