WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
