I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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