I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
