Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
