my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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