He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
