I met the friendliest cop last night
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
