:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
